One night, while she could feel the demons in his place, Mare laid on his bed while he was in the living room and she could hear Jesus speak to her,
“Come away my beloved.”
She tried to obey that voice but her heart held back. She wanted Damien.
This is where it all began.
They spent the first two months, after meeting at their job, talking about work and about themselves and about everything. She let him know that she was a serious Christian.
He complained about getting lots of rejection from women. He said he couldn’t understand why, except that he was reaping the rejection he’d sown in his youth when he dumped lots of girls. He said he’d had temporary loves, about every three months.
Finally, he complained bitterly about Mare saying that she cannot be with an unbeliever. He said he cannot believe in God unless God gives him a “honey.”
They got closer and closer. Mare got steadily more attracted to him, despite the poor character shown in some of what has already been described. He drooled over women as they worked together – unabashedly.
Tom was at her house when she first met Damien – a voice of conscience in Mare’s life - a fellow Christian. She knew Damien wasn’t her type. He reeked of things she didn’t like, and told Tom so.
But Tom was patient with her. He liked Damien.
And when Damien came to see a movie one night, and showed great interest in the one she picked (they each picked one out) he showed her a side of himself that impressed her.
He kept watching the movie even when she wouldn’t have minded giving up on it, and that showed some depth in him that caused her to like him more and more.
One night they played “Wheel of Fortune” on his play station all night. It was truly fun for them. At about 4:00 AM he said he couldn’t see them as being lovers. He said,
“I’d like you for right now, but you’re too old for anything more.”
Mare was twenty years older.
Mare left knowing there would be a strain at work if they got involved, even though she felt they wanted each other.
That was on a Saturday night. Eerily he said, “Maybe you’ll sleep with someone tomorrow.”
Somehow that came up in the conversation. And then, Mack called the next night, being cocky saying there would be no more than this one night, and then he’d disappear.
Mare was enthralled with Damien, and Mack’s approach was disturbing. He just blatantly came on that he wanted a one-night stand, like they’d already had. They’d just ended up in bed.
Mare had a short period of sexual permissiveness due to a manic episode – that wicked disease that can cause temporary lapses of reason.
Her episode had ended, but Mack had gotten there as a result of it.
But she certainly wanted more than what Mack was offering. She wanted more than what Damien was offering. But with Damien it felt like a relationship.
She told Mack “no.”
The next Tuesday morning there was a company meeting. She saw Damien and he was bugging her for some reason. Little did she know he had just had sex Sunday night.
Sunday afternoon he had been working in the mall. He met someone else working in the mall at Victoria’s Secret. That night he went out with her, drank and had sex.
Tuesday night he told Mare about it. He said it was great, and how he’d like to have something ‘nice like that in his bed every night.’ He thought Mare would think it was just fine. He had no idea it would upset her.
Mare’s feelings were dashed. She didn’t talk to him for days. Already she was getting attached. They had been talking 3 to 6 times per day at work, and now nothing.
Finally, she confessed how hurt she was and why.
She fought hatred and forgave him. This is an example of where forgiveness can go wrong.
She went beyond forgiving him and forgot to look at who he was. She forgot to guard her heart! Instead, she kept sinking into desire for him.
That’s when she found herself at his place that night, and the demonic was surely present. She heard the voice of Jesus crying out to her to leave, but she didn’t.
She didn’t sleep with him that night, but by the next time she was in his place, she asked Damien to kiss her. He did, and they lost control. She told him how much she had been wanting him.
Damien had obviously been inspired by Mare’s relationship with her cat, because he went out and got a cat after holding her cat in his lap at her house. He also got an aquarium, passionately creating an underwater world at home.
He said he was losing a desire to make a relationship work, a cat and a fish tank were enough for him. Yet later he talked about buying a wife from the Orient because he couldn’t handle American women anymore.
Mare had to face just how selfish and immature he was. Here he had slept with someone else, and then later dated another woman, a new woman working under him at their job when he became manager, and he just expected Mare to figure it out. He had gone for her because of her body, he had admitted.
He then proposed to Mare and 2 days later was oogling another new employee with a small trim body right in front of Mare. So, he was being open about it at least.
After they had been in bed together, Mare worried about the impact it would have on work, but things went along fine. Mare met with him at his place and ‘went for it’ passionately – thinking of him as her best friend, which was far from the truth.
Probably because they had been talking a lot before anything physical had happened – but that was a poor reason. He said he’d never slept with a friend before, only strangers.
And he even started talking about Mare being the right one for him. But Mare told him she needed a Christian and Mare tried to break it off, tried to stop the physical relationship. He protested madly, saying he hated God. He stopped talking to her for a couple of days and Mare got sick with a bad cold. Mare was giving her heart over to him, convinced that he was showing he was in love.
They ended up at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. – a restaurant, where he proposed to her. He asked if she minded occasional marijuana use, and she said she didn’t. He said “great.”
Two days later, a 36-year-old female employee was working with them and he was drooling over her. Mare knew the engagement was a joke. She got very angry.
A week later they sat in Perkins together and Damien was denying the whole thing, again talking about buying a wife from the Orient. He told her she was too old for him. Mare realized she had gone through a complete cycle with him. He laughed at her new used car.
Mare told him she felt suicidal. He said, “you’re going to kill yourself unless I marry you?” Laughing. Mare told him that buying a wife was like the old slavery of the South. What kind of people buy people? What kind of people sell people? He said he’d just been kidding. Mare thought “enough is enough.” If only it had truly been enough!
The company had a meeting and Damien was the manager at that time. Mare thought how he had a veneer of maturity and of liking himself. He’s obviously immature and doesn’t like himself, but only lives for self. Now it was apparent that he only got sex for the time being and didn’t need Mare. He would just as soon move on.
He had used Mare like a yo-yo. Mare saw the need to forgive yet maintain boundaries this time.
The joy of the Lord flooded her room that morning after that meeting at Perkins. God so mercifully came to Mare as she repented, and suicidal feelings dissipated.
Now because of all that happened, she recognized that he couldn’t be honest with her, that she had no idea if he was dating anyone else at work. She told him that he had treated the engagement like a joke. He replied that his whole life had been a joke. So, he treated Mare like he treated himself.
He openly admitted to his second thoughts about getting married. He said his friends ridiculed him for being with a woman old enough to be his mom.
He said he doubts Mare is his soulmate. He asked Mare to write a prayer to say to God about his dilemma of finding a wife. She wrote a prayer in Jesus name in which he asks to be shown any unforgiveness, also asking to find his soulmate.
Mare prayed it would open doors for him spiritually, and then she prayed to surrender him to God.
After that he tried to deny that the incident with the Victoria’s Secret lady happened and then got Mare to go to bed with him again. Mare said “no more! Absolutely no more!”
Mare moved on to being able to abstain from a sexual relationship, but not from feelings for him. Even her Christian friend Tom would rather see them together and would be disappointed when they were “on the fritz” again.
Mare took a road trip across Minnesota, Iowa and South Dakota. She saw the badlands, Mount Rushmore and wild horses. When she returned, she was able to see the damage that had been done by the relationship with Damien – soul hurts and wounds. It had a lot to do with the effects of sexual sin. She knew she had to let this go into God’s hands.
Damien went to another company – the competition. Mare suspected that he had been fired for sexual harassment even though he didn’t tell her.
Still, Mare ended up in bed with Damien, seemingly powerless to stop it. Damien stunk up the apartment with cigarettes and Mare hated breathing in the second hand smoke, but endured it.
It was obvious that Damien was not in love but just wanted the convenient sex. He couldn’t love because God is love. Mare knew it but couldn’t act on what she knew.
Damien said negative things about her appearance – he was not positive or supportive. His young friend at work said that their being together was gross.
Damien reminded Mare of a boyfriend of years ago – who was good in sales, a little small in stature, who loves to sit around, never exercise, smoke pot, eat, have sex, sleep, and have no outreach to other people. Total self gratification. Mare asked, “is he being used by the devil? Is it a curse that he wants to be with me?” A friend from her Christian college said that it’s devilish.
He was crazy though. On one hand he called her his “pooh bear” and said “don’t I make a nice boyfriend?” and on the other hand he said “you’re not my girlfriend.” There was no rhyme or reason.
He consumed her time, she didn’t even get her laundry done. She felt loved by him until sex happened, and then that revealed the truth. It showed he was merely getting sex from her.
Mare thought of how friendship would have been so much better. He would deny all forms of commitment. Mare prayed to remember this about sex, what happens. And prayed to stop spending time in his apartment alone with him.
She tried to convey that they would have to sacrifice their friendship if they didn’t stop having sex. She would tell herself not to listen to him, because he’s not in love. She tried to remember that he needs Jesus.
She shared the gospel with him – shared the scriptures on salvation with him.
She tried to tell herself that the right man will call you beautiful and sexy, and not just to deceive you in the beginning.
She had to admit she wasn’t in love either.
The struggle ensued. Damien said all sorts of negative things about her. She had to admit she was not in love and that he was not her soulmate. She was baby-sitting. She was loving a lost soul. She was allowing him to corrupt her standards on sexuality and waste time better spent on future goals.
She realized she had better pray that God would redeem her testimony at work – what did her co-workers think of her after knowing about her and Damien?
She realized that she had gone ahead with Damien even though she had seen the bondage in his soul from the very beginning. She prayed “God help me!”
Things progressed to where Damien showed that he was mentally ill – schizophrenic and started threatening to use a gun on people who he thought were after him. He talked of using an Ak47.
As Mare kept falling into having sex with Damien, she kept getting back up on her feet, repenting, and she would take communion, privately, praying for God’s grace to come and give her power over the sin that she had not had power to overcome. She got prayer from ministers and hands laid on her to overcome the sin. She listened to messages by people of God on this. She read and confessed the word of God.
Mare had a revelation. Satan tries to cause sin, then shame. He appeals to our pride. If we have shame, he appeals to that shame – “look how bad you are.” Instead of humbly accepting he fact of our sinful nature and that God has totally accepted us in that state, we deny the sin in us and feel horrible about that shame.
Then Satan appeals to our flesh to strive, to make an effort to repair and to fix ourselves. The answer is to fall apart and fall into the downy bed of God’s perfect grace and mercy – allowing those to creep into us and bring strength from above. God revealed to Mare how much false righteousness had been within her.
Mare went full circle again. She maintained friendship with Damien and didn’t mean to get involved physically, but did. After this, more negative words, and then – Damien revealed that he was in the hospital for mental health issues in the past. He spewed out hatred towards those who put him there, and expounded on view of the world as a dark place, including negative views of God.
Mare realized that she was in a trap with a person who jeopardized her well-being in many ways, but she didn’t know how to get out. She continued with the communion, believing for a breakthrough.
Damien revealed that he listened to music like Judas Priest. Mare realized this was serious. She needed to get out!
Why does it say that where sin abounds, God’s grace abounds more? Paul says we cannot sin that grace may abound, but that refers to “license to sin” mentality. But it’s true that when we find ourselves falling into sin, helpless because our self controls aren’t working, then His grace abounds as He meets us right where we are weak. If we insist on “self-control” – relying on it, we will block grace. So, we don’t try to sin to receive grace, but we do let go of controls.
Why do people who have sinned so blatantly end up so powerful in God? It is because they lost control. Satan took over, then God came in and swept him aside and that person knows how to be “taken over” so they get taken over by God.
Mare continued taking communion and waiting on God for power to overcome the temptation. Eventually, she broke free of sexual sin, which was followed by a long period of having just a friendship with Damien which eventually had to be broken off too.
Damien revealed that he was an out and out schizophrenic with delusions about being monitored through the walls of his apartment and he believed Mare was a part of the ‘conspiracy.’ He got violently angry at times and it was scary. He got increasingly more bizarre.
Today Mare prays for Damien and has his number on her cell phone in case he tries to call her so she can identify the call.
Mare got free of involvement physically with Damien, and it was the end of sexual sin in her life. She has been free of sexual sin for over seven years, and all the glory goes to Jesus Christ! Exodus!